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One of the things most deconverts miss the most about religion is the feeling of belonging to a group, a tradition, a history. I will freely admit this was one of the most difficult parts of my own deconversion and the reason I tested other religions – to find a different place to belong.

I do not crave that belonging as much any more, but it still gets me some times. Instead, I created a place to help fulfil this craving within my business. However, business interactions tend to be aloof by nature. After reading the link, tell me what you have done to find ways to interact with other humans and to fill the need to belong.

Credo: Religions tell us who we are and what we need to be

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I just saw a friend post on FaceBook that christ is the reason for the season. It made me realize that this will be the first year holiday season where I have admitted to myself and others that I am an atheist.

Over the last few years, I have essentially taken all “religious” tokens out of my private thoughts on the holidays. However, I think this year I’d like to revamp the entire way I celebrate the holidays. I do want to continue to enjoy the season, but without the religious connotations. Any ideas?

I don’t need to be saved. I don’t need prayer. What I need is to be taken seriously for using my brain instead of my imagination.

Someone I follow on twitter had this tweet tonight, “The lack of women in any kind of equal leadership role throughout history exposes religion as a patriarchal invention.” ( by Nickolas Conrad)smashpatriarchy

This quote speaks volumes to me because it was the day this concept hit me that I chose to open my mind to the possibility that perhaps I was wrong and there is no god.

I bristled under the thumb of patriarchal christianity for decades and never could bow to its misogyny. It was when I realised that according to the Bible’s own words, the Jews killed thousands of other peoples because they served other gods – primarily female deities – that I thought of how I would have flourished under a feminine goddess.

It just pissed me off to be robbed of this opportunity. I also realised how many gods existed before the Jewish god.

All of this culminated in one of the most important realisations of my life. The god of christianity is not THE god. He is just one of many, many gods. I played around with other religious beliefs for about six months – just for the fun of it. The rest of the journey is obvious.

This quote is my life: “The lack of women in any kind of equal leadership role throughout history exposes religion as a patriarchal invention.” Nickolas Conrad

As I came out as being atheist to some of my very christian family members last week, I thought of how they would process this new information. They knew my husband and I have not been attending any church for at least seven or eight years. I know they thought we were just sick of being around mean spirited, hypocritical christians – and to some extent that was the case. However, this change to atheism wasn’t something that was decided overnight.

calendar pagesSo I decided it was time to backtrack to figure out when it was that I rejected the notion of christianity’s god. I remembered writing in one of my columns (I used to write for a national newspaper in South America) about how religion should not play a decisive roll in political decisions. In this column, written in July 2007, I admitted that I was not religious. Truth was, newspaper readers in one South American nation knew about this important information before my family did. But I knew this was not the time of my de-conversion.

I don’t know the exact date that I chose not to believe in god. I do know that it was during the fall before we moved from the Washington DC area (we moved in July of 2006).  I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when it hit me – there is no god. Thirty-six years of living and breathing – and yes, preaching – christianity, and in a split second I realized it was all futile.

However, I did not automatically call myself an atheist…or even an agnostic; though, that is exactly what I was. In fact, I did not make this stated decision until a couple of months ago. That’s 3.5 years! What did I do during that time? Well, for a few months I did explore some other religions, including some pagan religions. Truth was, I did not believe in any of those gods either. After that, I did nothing.

I didn’t talk about religions or gods. I didn’t care. It simply was not an important factor in my life anymore. Moreover, I needed space. I needed time to heal from the many, many, many years of living life as a christian. I had to get all those skewed notions of morality out of me. I needed to replace my knee-jerk christian responses to life with rational ones. I had to come to terms with the reality that there is no god, there are no angels, there are no demons, there is no hell – and my life is my own to live.

Free. I was so free.

Earlier this past summer, I finally put a tag on myself again. I was an agnostic. Now I even say I’m an atheist.  I am also a humanist, thus the name of this blog (which is the phonetic pronunciation of human).  Since I no longer believe in a god that can right injustice, feed the hungry or heal the sick; there is so much humans need to do. Starting with this human.

Thought Of The Day

God probably does not exist and if she does, she looks nothing like any gods created by humans.
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