One of the things most deconverts miss the most about religion is the feeling of belonging to a group, a tradition, a history. I will freely admit this was one of the most difficult parts of my own deconversion and the reason I tested other religions – to find a different place to belong.
I do not crave that belonging as much any more, but it still gets me some times. Instead, I created a place to help fulfil this craving within my business. However, business interactions tend to be aloof by nature. After reading the link, tell me what you have done to find ways to interact with other humans and to fill the need to belong.
hyü-mən 
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November 2, 2009 at 11:30 am
stephanie206
My husband and I have talked about this a few times. We’re lucky, because both his adult daughters and his teenage son, as well as everyone in my immediate family, are atheists (though my mom just came out as one in the past year or so, long after I did). So we’re often able to live in this insular world where it’s understood that religion is sort of a big joke and we can speak freely.
But then, occasionally we’re out in the real world and realize just how alone we are.
I don’t think that the problems is that atheists don’t want to be part of something — we’re hardwired to want to fit in with groups, because it’s a whole lot better for survival if someone’s got your back. I think it’s more that atheists by nature have a strong aversion to groupthink. We’ve been intellectually independent enough to break the manacles of superstition that bind society at large, so we’re inherently sort of our own worst enemies at creating a solid front as a group.
That’s one of the things I love about Twitter — I’ve connected with so many atheists, and their feeds are all quite different. Some are more interested in science, some in ethics, some in outreach, some in being simply fucking hilarious. The advent of good, easy-to-use social networking technology will be useful, I think, in developing an identifiable “atheist community,” because it lets us discuss and share while still being individuals with our own approaches.
November 2, 2009 at 2:13 pm
hyumen
Steph,
Great points. I agree about Twitter and other social networks. These places allow atheists to be a group yet still remain independent.
November 12, 2009 at 11:54 am
Lorena
I’m curious to know what kind of business you have, because I’ve been thinking about a business that will help me create the sense of community that I so much crave.
For me, the need is so profound that I sometimes feel like going to church just for fun–imagine that.
Social networking helps me pass the time, but it doesn’t really give me real friendships. It’s helpful, though.
January 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Jeff Hamm
This is why I snag cultural bits and pieces from, for example, Confucianism and Zen. There’s an emphasis on effectively secular ritual that bridges the gaps between the personal/internal and the communal, that feeds emotional needs. I have friends who are various forms of Christian. They aren’t rabid about it, and are respectable people regardless of those beliefs. So? Your community is as you build it. Of course, I work best with a very small group of close friends; if you have a need for a larger “community”, that will of course be harder to find. I was never religious in any sense, so it’s a bit different for me, but in comparison I find that I put energy into my friendships and hobbies that others seem to spend on their religious communities.
I realize this is a bit rambling; I actually plan to post about these topics sometime fairly soon.
December 10, 2010 at 1:31 am
Robert Wedderburn
(Stephanie’s comment is bang on).
It’s different in Western countries outside the US. Religion has nothing like the same grip on society; church attendence is insignificant, there is little stigma attached to atheism, religious rituals (grace etc) are virtually extinct. People, except in the most conservative of familes, unashamedly discuss their beliefs, or lack of. Atheists can and do become heads of state. Europeans have long found alternative ways of integrating with their peers.
I get the feeling that religion is so deeply ingrained within the American psyche that what is almost a non-issue elsewhere has taken on a disproportionate importance in the US. Europeans, while sympathetic, would be a little mystified. “Join a club”, would be the general rejoinder – in other words, find those with common interests, and join in.
Yes – I am aware of the recent survey that purports to show religious people are happier. Interestingly though, the replies indicate that they are happier not because of their beliefs, but because of the sense of belonging. So two comments from me in answer to this study. Firstly, those so inclined may be happier, but personally I’m only content when I’m being honest with myself. Secondly, if group membership is the key factor in happiness, then join a stamp-collecting club, or winter sports, or philosophy… whatever dongs your bell.
I’m certainly not trying to trivialise this issue. We’re social animals, we function best cooperating within groups; our success at this is a key reason our species has adapted so well. But I just thought I would point out to any ‘despairing’ Americans that as far as Western-style democracies go, the US is the exception, not the rule 🙂